


Why Jay and Lonnie Should Not Date, Ever: A list by Their Friends

by DemiStorm



Category: Descendants (Disney Movies)
Genre: Comedy, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Happy, I love these kids, ben is tired, but he CANT DO THAT IF THE NIGHTMARE COUPLE DOESNT STOP THEIR SHIT, but jay and lonnie would absolutely do these things, listen, mal wants her boyfriend to sleep, two competitive disasters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2021-01-24 18:24:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21342700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemiStorm/pseuds/DemiStorm
Summary: Or, Jay and Lonnie Have Started 53 Fights Trying to One-Up Each Other and Other Couples, This is Why we Kept the Two of You Apart, Damn it!!!
Relationships: Jay/Li Lonnie
Comments: 13
Kudos: 41





	Why Jay and Lonnie Should Not Date, Ever: A list by Their Friends

**Author's Note:**

> I watched all the descendants movies and finally started writing some of the outlines i have

**Reason # 1: They are both competitive assholes**  
Jay and Lonnie have been friends for a while, and that's fine. It has always been fine because while they were friends, they also ran in different circles, and everyone agreed that they shouldn't be left alone together. At least, everyone agreed after they decided to start a competition over who could make it to the caf fastest, followed by a parkour competition between classes. Which was followed by complete and utter chaos. Afterwards, just about everyone had done their best to keep the two from being alone for extended periods of time.  
Only now. These two competitive _assholes_ are dating, which means they cannot be kept apart. And now, they have... ideas…. About dating. Mal almost wants to strangle Mulan and Shang, because whatever they taught their daughter about romance, it was _severely lacking._ Last week, Jay had gotten Lonnie flowers, so she had gotten him flowers, and now they keep. Sending. Flowers. Mal feels awful for Sarah, who has a pollen allergy and hasn’t been able to stop sneezing since Wednesday, when the madness started. Evie had been talking about making allergy potions for anyone who needed them, and honestly, Mal is 100% behind the idea. Mostly because she can’t get Jay or Lonnie to stop sending flowers, each claiming that giving up would be a failure. Carlos is pretty sure that the florists in town will start refusing their orders, which. Hmmm. Mal doesn’t think so.  
**Reason # 2: Double dates are Absolute Disasters**  
Evie loves Jay, he’s practically family, a brother in all but blood, after all! But she just. Wishes he and Lonnie would stop with the double dates. It had been a _little_ cute at first. Key words; at first. Now, it’s just irritating. They invite themselves along on dates, and then when anyone else does something romantic or even vaguely cute, Jay and Lonnie do the same thing, but…. Bigger. Or cheesier. Then, when Evie tries to get them to stop, the only response she ever gets is when she asks,  
“Why do you do this?!” And the response has always been along these lines,  
“Because it’s Couple Chess, duh.” Which. No. No, that is not at all what double dates are, you two! It’s not! And now, Evie and Doug aren’t allowed in that nice restaurant anymore because of this!  
**Reason # 3: Property damage**  
Ben has had to deal with. So many potential lawsuits and damage claims. Jay and Lonnie have only been dating for three weeks, _how is there so much damage?_ Mal keeps telling him that it’s because of all the dares and attempts at one-upping each other, but that doesn’t make any sense! There have been. 268 counts of property damage, and Ben wants to cry. He wants to cry, and hide in the library, and take care of the _actually important tasks he hasn’t been able to do yet._ Mal just pats him on the back and takes half the stack of papers, telling him to get back to work, she can get some of this taken care of. Mal is a wonderful, beautiful angel. Jay and Lonnie are absolute demons, _ and can we please go back to keeping them apart?_  
**Reason # 4: You cannot duel people for being a cuter couple than you**  
Carlos is Jay’s best friend, and he absolutely loves spending time with him. It’s just not so great when he and Jane are challenged to a duel to the death over who the cuter couple is. Carlos and Jane both agree, the constant challenges over something neither of them particularly care about? Exhausting. Jane has told him that she’s gotten close to bippity-boppity-booing Jay after a few too many of his more excited attempts at challenging them. Carlos, while not having any magic of his own, completely understands. He won’t deny that he’s thought about leaving a paint bomb or two near Lonnie recently. Except, knowing the two of them, that would do exactly nothing to dissuade them. In fact, it would probably only encourage their behavior, which is the exact opposite of what they want to do. Carlos would just like to eat in the caf with his girlfriend in _peace, please._ And, no, Jay, this is not a competition, so stop trying to keep a score of any kind!!!  
**Reason # 5a: Dating is not a competitive sport.**  
**Reason # 5b: Or any kind of competition.**  
**Reason # 5c: Or a sport of any kind.**  
Jay and Lonnie have attempted to set up scoreboards. As in, multiple, as in, anytime they get told no and one is taken down they make another. Scoreboards, as in, they have three different versions and are somehow managing to keep track of each of them. Three different scoreboards, each with an arbitrary and confusing point system, each constantly getting removed and replaced, and yet. The resident nightmare couple are somehow managing to keep perfect track of. Each. One. It’s fair to say that everyone is tired of this shit, and Audrey has started screaming at Lonnie and Jay if they stand still long enough. Audrey is tired of the chaos, and she is tired of the messes they manage to make, and she would really like to actually have Lonnie around for girl’s night instead of causing chaos this week. Chad wants to know who thought that Jay and Lonnie should date, but that seems to be everybody’s question lately. The Isle kids blame Jay, and the Auradonians say that Lonnie probably made the first move. They do, however, agree that the two were horrifying as friends, but as a couple they are truly a nightmare.  
Ben, who is laying face down on the carpet and screaming a little, is very obviously done. Mal starchly informs everyone that he is tired and would also like for Jay and Lonnie to not date anymore, please. Mal also informs them that she is ready to lock the two in a closet until they hate each other, and Evie interrupts and says that they will try other methods first.


End file.
